tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10759065401194789982024-03-13T07:48:21.155-07:00Jane of All TradesA little bit of everything.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger81125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-40995312168649497842022-06-12T16:06:00.005-07:002022-06-12T16:06:37.894-07:00What I Want (originally published on this blog 8/5/18)What I want is to be able to build
something with someone. I want to open myself up to another person and trust
that, even if feelings change, I won't be left feeling abandoned. I want to
have a partner who challenges me to be my best self and that wants to grow and
change together. I want you to have faith in me and allow me to have faith in
you. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-28725897138953019232022-06-12T16:05:00.007-07:002022-06-12T16:05:51.601-07:00Life is Right Now (originally published on this blog 3/15/18)There is a reason that our very first amendment is about the
freedom to express, organize, and dissent. Maybe, for the first time, young
people are waking up to the reality that "real life" is happening
right now and doesn't start after high school, and then after college, and then
after the internship, and then after the promotion, and then after Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-78427723409827133412022-06-12T16:04:00.002-07:002022-06-12T16:04:22.164-07:00Emotions, Fault, & Responsibility (originally published on this blog 2/11/18)Dear Mother, I know we don't always see eye to eye, but despite what you
may think, I am concerned for your well-being. Your relationships with your
sisters have never been ideal, but its grown so toxic in the past few years and
that affects me deeply. I suspect you've always been envious of my bonds with
them, probably because it was Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-44389384663711741922018-01-31T21:46:00.004-08:002022-06-12T22:22:04.547-07:00For The Ones Left BehindOn January 23, 2018, I lost my great aunt Lois. The very next day, on January 24, 2018, I lost a former coworker and friend named Phil.
I've heard comedians joke about the use of the word "lost" to talk about people who have died. It's not like they're missing and we can't find them, so why do we use that word? Maybe it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with how WE feel. We Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-20697265800915065612017-07-30T21:16:00.001-07:002022-06-12T18:07:05.137-07:00To Have Kids or Not to Have Kids...
I decided not to, at a rather early age. But unlike most people, I barely wavered as I grew older. I did go through a few years where I was open to the idea, but now that door is once again shut (in my mind).
My reasons are straightforward:
I grew up with a single mom and it was difficult. I struggled with a lot of things like my identity, knowing right from wrong, and having confidence. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-21485754082255502092016-08-20T15:50:00.001-07:002016-08-20T15:50:17.999-07:00
Nice Guys/Cool Chicks
Yes, I know. I'm a cool chick. I don't get bent out of shape for small shit. You can get away with a lot more irresponsibility with me than most. You can drink, smoke (on occasion), or play video games and I will hardly bat an eye. You can go out with your guy friends on a semi-regular basis and even...dare I say it...have friends who are female. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-67681741161115232112016-08-19T04:08:00.002-07:002022-06-12T18:05:52.220-07:00Workey Work Work
Working Title
Drunk. angry, frustrated. depressed. Driving into a wall. another car. ripping my veins open. crying.
I don't want to actually die. I just feel so fucking frustrated. I tried to use some vacation time on a paycheck I should have got last week. I get confused how long the delay is so I forgot. Didn't have any major bills (not ones I could actually pay anyhow) last week so I Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-58404071434919700732016-05-04T23:22:00.003-07:002022-06-12T22:22:26.751-07:00Wanted: Giant Hole in the Universe Needs Filling
I can't believe you're gone. I wasn't ready for you to leave. You were a good friend and a formidable enemy. You made the most amazing spinach dip that you served with Hawaiian Bread. We watched all the Harry Potter Movies (that were out at the time) in marathon style over the course of a night...you leaned too far back in the recliner and hit your head...but you were fine...other than your Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-90531075785769735722016-05-04T23:07:00.002-07:002016-05-04T23:07:18.193-07:00So This is How...
I woke up startled and realized I was floating alone in icy arctic waters. The fog was so thick I could taste it with the salty sea. "Not exactly my ideal last meal", I said with a slight groan of contempt. The sound of my own voice was the only noise amidst the silence and eerie creaking of floating ice.
Absently, I noticed how little air is left in the life jacket, Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-20086831717615404892016-05-04T23:04:00.003-07:002022-06-12T22:22:47.858-07:00The Guy at the BarLet me tell you a story about the day where one guy on a dating website messaged me "can I stick my dick in your ear hole?" And I shared that story with several people because it was ridiculous and I knew they'd laugh or feel sympathy or whatever people do.
That same night I went to late night happy hour at my favorite restaurant bar and some guy started talking to me and so I walked around Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-79939017092768954872016-05-04T23:03:00.002-07:002016-05-06T00:18:51.862-07:00QueenI love queen. It may have began with the Bohemian Rhapsody scene in Wane's World when I was in high school, but I wanted to take this moment to remember and pay tribute to Bill Yourdan, who I got many old cassette tapes from at that time and it contributed to my appreciation of older rock. A Night at the Opera has become a favorite and I feel pretty confident at Karaoke when Bohemian Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-31089637846879173762015-09-12T02:04:00.002-07:002022-06-12T18:02:35.023-07:00I Forgot
I saw a few posts here and there about 9/11 and moved past them. Its not that I'm insensitive to what happened, but I expect people closer to the crash sites to be more active than someone like me, who didn't even watch it happening on TV that morning 14 years ago. I hear the tributes, I see the pictures - I can't imagine how much it affected so many people's lives. But Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-22394842087809347592015-09-12T00:10:00.002-07:002022-06-12T17:59:53.466-07:00"Feminist" Crap
I just read a post where a guy was complaining about women rejecting men and being friendzoned... On the one hand, I get it. A lot, I mean A LOT of girls simply don't think of guys as having the same feelings as they do because they're guys, and we're raised to think there's this huge innate difference between us. So we may not always realize how much we hurt them until we Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-55528017687314415872015-08-17T22:31:00.003-07:002022-06-12T22:23:06.358-07:00True StoryI work at a store that sells movies (and not just the $5 bin lame movies but actual hits and box sets and the like) and I was browsing the selection after I'd just clocked out for the day.
Me, to my coworker across the aisle: Man, I really want all the Harry Potter movies but the box set is just too much right now.
Coworker: Ya, I hear that.
Me: I also want all the Star Wars movies. I Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-36355839279807820332015-08-17T22:03:00.002-07:002022-06-12T17:46:22.872-07:00Where Should I Go?I don't like being touched by strangers, especially when I'm hot. There are times when everyone is chilling out in the same mental place watching a band and you end up rubbing arms and shoulders and whatever but I'm talking about strangers passing by you, making a path next to you in between you and your friends, and knocking your purse as they pass without any regard.
I find myself relieved toUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-44610044554910171352015-08-17T22:01:00.003-07:002022-06-12T17:45:02.062-07:00What it's like when i try to just sit and do nothing.It's an itch under my skin that gets worse with each scratch. I fiddle, I twiddle my thumbs. I scratch my palms, alternating hands every couple minutes. My feet never stop reaching for my knees, toes wiggling and grinding together. The dirt under my nails is a constant distraction, almost as much as the tiny cracks along their tips, which lead to my repeatedly tracing the uneven edges with my Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-22814168632773443872015-08-12T09:42:00.001-07:002022-06-12T22:23:16.466-07:00Like is Fleeting
I turn on the computer
Enter my secret passwords
And there you are.
Oh my Facebook friend,
Retweeter,
And Instagram lover.
He "likes" me.
He "likes" me, not.
I think I am in #Like with him.
I hope our Like will last forever.
Then he moves on to Snapchat.
Without me.
Unfriend.
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-72613522065256514192015-06-24T18:33:00.001-07:002022-06-12T22:23:25.838-07:00Thoughts on Julia Gulia
One of the most unbelievable scenes in cinematic history:
https://youtu.be/YVmIsJuFOE8
I can't believe any woman in a similar situation would just now be realizing it this far along in the relationship. In fact, how well his name sounds with mine is one of the first things I consider when getting to know someone new. It is second only to my subconscious gut response to the sound of his first Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-41948562645666901962015-03-22T01:21:00.001-07:002015-03-22T01:21:26.977-07:00Sometimes the idea of something is way more complicated and stressful than the actual thing.
For example, I had two activities planned (work and a volunteer project) and a third added in between them (a hard to gather group of family members).
Technically I have time for all three but I like to have time between things to guarantee I am functional. But I vented my frustration to a friend andUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-7177699583073016812015-03-22T00:05:00.001-07:002015-03-22T00:05:08.839-07:00Things I Think About While Driving:What are the Dickens...and why do they hurt so much?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-40125609764537592162014-12-03T20:37:00.001-08:002014-12-03T20:37:46.000-08:00Love and Pain.I love the way my poor red swollen pinky toe feels when I knead the fur on my softy soft kitty cats back and legs and toes.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-3859701043969738282014-09-11T00:06:00.001-07:002014-09-18T00:40:24.796-07:00ExperimentSince I doubt anybody is reading this anymore (although if you are, cheers!), tonight I tried an experiment. I got up from my bed and took some easy clothes to change into, changed clothes in the bathroom, walked quietly out the front door and took a drive for less than 10 minutes. Nobody seems to have noticed.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-60609342622746696572014-02-16T02:10:00.000-08:002014-02-16T02:10:07.043-08:00Perspective. The price of peace.I wish I could offer a different perspective but I just want to express myself sometimes. I have no life. I play video games and I watch Netflix and I text a couple of friends about BULLSHIT. And every so often I hang out with a friend.
Tonight was one of those rare occasions when I not only went out but actually talked with new people. I felt like an ad for my situation: Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-13434467675863463042014-02-12T04:21:00.000-08:002015-06-23T12:39:25.157-07:00tidbits.
I'd like to complain about all the crap I muddle through on a daily basis these days but how can I put that out in the world when I know people, animals, and the whole damn planet seem to be suffering.
Plus, the internet can be a very cruel place. I don't need to expose myself to a barrage of hate if other people "disagree" with my opinions or experience.
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1075906540119478998.post-44313040579821974322014-02-12T04:09:00.001-08:002015-06-23T12:38:57.481-07:00Tidbits-adultsAs a younger adult/older teen, I was riding in Penny's car down the 60 freeway when she enlightened me with the factoid that she and her boyfriend not only smoked pot but did other drugs regularly...and apparently had a lot of sex.
I learned to understand that adults...were human just like me. What a revelation! Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0