Nice Guys/Cool Chicks

Yes, I know. I'm a cool chick. I don't get bent out of shape for small shit. You can get away with a lot more irresponsibility with me than most.  You can drink, smoke (on occasion), or play video games and I will hardly bat an eye.  You can go out with your guy friends on a semi-regular basis and even...dare I say it...have friends who are female.  HOWEVER, This unspoken cool chick contract comes with some provisions.  Don't lie, don't cheat, don't break any federal laws, don't be a dick.  Cuz, I'm not going to do those things.  

I know a lot of guys have this idea that being a "nice guy" is all they need to do.  A few have gone so far as to turn to violence (think shootings and social media blasting) because they were "nice guys" and it didn't work for them.  They were owed. They did the thing. They were nice. And it...didn't work.  Well, ya know what, tough guys?  Being nice is like breathing air.. it's not something we should have to strive for guys to be. They just shouldn't be selfish dicks. Because I get it. You aim to be a nice guy and you still can't get laid.  Maybe it shouldn't have been just about being nice this whole time. 

I want to clarify, I like a nice guy... but he has to also be compatible with me, I have to be attracted to him, etc.  Being nice is not a free pass.  It helps tremendously, but it is not a free pass!

I bring this up because, as a "cool chick", I feel that I've experienced the "nice guy" issue personally.  Now I get it. It's not enough to just be a "cool chick". Some guys are actually more compatible with more controlling or conventional women. OK. That's fine. 

 

Often a guy will think he wants a cool chick but finds it too unstructured and is unhappy. Likewise, a lot of women (tired of dating dicks) will go out with a guy just because "he's nice".  And it's great for a while. Until every conversation turns into an analysis of what was meant by something said or whatever.  

My point, to be clear, is that both Nice guys and Cool Chicks have their place, but we have the hardest time dating.  We want to connect but we end up going outside the conventions of our time.  Which shouldn't be the end of the world. I just think we need to keep looking. Most of us should find someone more compatible with our oddness and subtlety, eventually.

Workey Work Work

Working Title

Drunk. angry, frustrated. depressed. Driving into a wall. another car. ripping my veins open. crying.

I don't want to actually die. I just feel so fucking frustrated. I tried to use some vacation time on a paycheck I should have got last week. I get confused how long the delay is so I forgot. Didn't have any major bills (not ones I could actually pay anyhow) last week so I forgot. This week, paycheck was a little low so I looked at my paycheck online. Yep, no vacation time used this week or last.  In order to get any money, they have to do a pay out.. which is basically a cash advance, only the managers don't call it that.  Since I'm a 20 hour employee I only get to use 4 hours per day of vacation. I didn't know this either, but OK. Should have gotten 80 bucks for two days. Was told I'd be getting 60.  I freaked out a little cuz WTF, seriously? I called HR and asked why $20 tax was being taken out of an $80 payment when that's what's taken out for my regular weekly paycheck of twice as much...  She looked into it. Found out that they estimate tax ahead (by gouging, obviously) so they can pay out immediately. The balance of non-taxed income will appear on next check. yada yada. ok. We shall see.  The HR lady made it sound like they had a check waiting for me at work.. But when I got there they took cash out of a register and I had to sign like 3 forms.  All because a manager didn't do the vacation ahead. sigh.

Now, I got anxiety.. from the bills of course, but once I talked to the HR person I was understanding of the situation and just paid whatever bills I had to pay.  What really got to me was the conversation I had with Manager Marjorie where she relayed a text from the Store Manager... and it gave me major anxiety for about 30 mins. because I have avoided conflict at work thus far for almost 2 years except for one incident that I've gotten past.

And then I was speaking casually with Coworker Moira and she mentioned the Assistant Store Manager has told her she wanted to make her a lead? I am almost twice her age and have more financial issues to take care of.  Plus, outside of music, I'm pretty sure I can run circles around Moira for customer service and where things are and where they go.  If she wants to make a music lead position, that's fair. I'm not in music as often. But ANY other lead.. complete crap.  I work hard. I sweat, I bleed, I deal with obnoxious children, teenagers, and unhygienic adults. 

Yet, I go into debt deeper every month. I hate my life outside of work.  Work doesn't take care of me. It's like a bad boyfriend. I'm happy when I'm with it, but it's not really good for me to grow and succeed.