I have been thinking about how much my last real boyfriend affected me. Sure, I have dated people in the last 3 years, but really, I haven’t had a committed relationship since then. When I left my ex, I realized I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t know what kind of music I liked, movies I liked, decorative style I had, among other things. And when I left that relationship I was definitely scarred on the inside. All the things that he was into became a symbol of things I didn't want to do anymore because I needed to find myself. In many ways, I went the complete opposite just to get away from the memories. But now as I enter into a friendship with someone who doesn't remind me of my ex at all but is into ALL the same stuff, I feel it may be time to let go of that boundary I set for myself. It is time I healed that wound.
After a time I accepted the reality that I may not get married. I am not against it, but I’ve never been one of those girls who sought it out either. I also don’t seek out having kids. That’s not to say I don’t see the value in the experience of raising children or deny that I would consider having kids with the right man. I just don’t want to be a single mother. Sue me.
A guy once commented on how much I liked to cook. I feel pretty domestic at times. He felt that my attitude of liking to cook, especially liking to cook for a guy, was a reflection of oppressiveness. I tried to explain that when I cook I feel in tune with women in my family (and women from the beginning of time) because my family is matriarchal. We’re a very creative bunch and I feel I’m communicating creatively and artistically by cooking and crafting and anything else I do at home.