What I Want

 (originally published on this blog 8/5/18)

What I want is to be able to build something with someone. I want to open myself up to another person and trust that, even if feelings change, I won't be left feeling abandoned. I want to have a partner who challenges me to be my best self and that wants to grow and change together. I want you to have faith in me and allow me to have faith in you. And if our feelings change, I want us to talk about it and discuss whether anything can be done to improve the situation before we walk away. I want a lover who is also a best friend. I want us to revolve around each other like celestial gods and goddesses among the stars. 

I also want to keep some semblance of myself intact--the part that gives me a sense of identity and that appeals to other people (i.e., you). I want to create something positive and meaningful with my own life separately that is also supported by a life joined with another. Balance. Love. Honesty. No fear.

As much as I want you to be impressed by what I create or what I have done with my life thus far (and how it has led to the person i am now), I also need you to remember that I am just a human being. I will try to remember the same of you.

I want to love. I want to open my heart up so wide that all the fat moms from the "yo mamma is so fat" jokes would fit comfortably inside. I want to shine with love, like a unicorn dancing on a rainbow bridge under a disco ball sun.

I want to live. I want to experience things so that someday (with any luck) we can look back and say, "Remember all the fun things we did together. Remember how much we lived?"

I want to be immortal. I want to leave my mark. I want to have an impact on the world. I want to find meaning within the world while I'm here. I want a partner who will be supportive and encouraging and my biggest fan/cheerleader. And I want to be that for someone else.