Friday, August 19, 2016

Working Title

Drunk. angry, frustrated. depressed. Driving into a wall. another car. ripping my veins open. crying.

I don't want to actually die. I just feel so fucking frustrated. I tried to use some vacation time on a paycheck I should have got last week. I get confused how long the delay is so I forgot. Didn't have any major bills (not ones I could actually pay anyhow) last week so I forgot. This week, paycheck was a little low so I looked at my paycheck online. Yep, no vacation time used this week or last.  In order to get any money, they have to do a pay out.. which is basically a cash advance, only the managers don't call it that.  Since I'm a 20 hour employee I only get to use 4 hours per day of vacation. I didn't know this either, but OK. Should have gotten 80 bucks for two days. Was told I'd be getting 60.  I freaked out a little cuz WTF, seriously? I called HR and asked why $20 tax was being taken out of an $80 payment when that's what's taken out for my regular weekly paycheck of twice as much...  She looked into it. Found out that they estimate tax ahead (by gouging, obviously) so they can pay out immediately. The balance of non-taxed income will appear on next check. yada yada. ok. We shall see.  The HR lady made it sound like they had a check waiting for me at work.. But when I got there they took cash out of a register and I had to sign like 3 forms.  All because a manager didn't do the vacation ahead. sigh.

Now, I got anxiety.. from the bills of course, but once I talked to the HR person I was understanding of the situation and just paid whatever bills I had to pay.  What really got to me was the conversation I had with Manager Marjorie where she relayed a text from the Store Manager... and it gave me major anxiety for about 30 mins. because I have avoided conflict at work thus far for almost 2 years except for one incident that I've gotten past.

And then I was speaking casually with Coworker Moira and she mentioned the Assistant Store Manager has told her she wanted to make her a lead? I am almost twice her age and have more financial issues to take care of.  Plus, outside of music, I'm pretty sure I can run circles around Moira for customer service and where things are and where they go.  If she wants to make a music lead position, that's fair. I'm not in music as often. But ANY other lead.. complete crap.  I work hard. I sweat, I bleed, I deal with obnoxious children, teenagers, and unhygienic adults. 

Yet, I go into debt deeper every month. I hate my life outside of work.  Work doesn't take care of me. It's like a bad boyfriend. I'm happy when I'm with it, but it's not really good for me to grow and succeed. 

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