When I was 8 years old, I wanted to be Madonna.

Computer. Hiatus.

I'd like to say I've been too busy saving lives and planting trees or feeding the hungry and cleaning up polluted water ways. But, no - alas - I have been working and my computer is so slow that it is starting to run backwards.

So, I have had to take a short hiatus from all my adoring fans (all three of you, I thank you) and I just wanted to tell you that I have ordered my new computer! I will hopefully get it in a week or so and have it running with bells and whistles in two.

I have to gloat. I got the blue neon light upgrade. My computer is going to look so freakin' awesome! ....and yours isn't! NA NA!

I'll return shortly to continue the horrendous depravity and berserk debauchery.

Till then!

The New Job - Part 2.1

I've been gainfully employed now for a month and one week and for the most part I am enjoying it. The work itself is a lot of hands on work with fossils; so far I've worked on Triceratops, T-Rex, and most recently Phytosaur (pre-dinosaur) material. This Phytosaur was originally recovered and reconstructed in the 30s using a terracotta clay to connect the few sections of actual bone together. It has been in storage for years after probably being on display in the Museum a long time ago. Now, it has been explored, the real bone cleaned up and defined, so that we can use it for display again in the near future.  

Jane of All Coats

I just gave away my vintage faux leopard coat to an old friend. I hadn't even looked at it or thought about it in months, but when I got it out and inspected it and hung it up to air out, I admired it and thought, "what the hell am I doing? I'll never find another leopard coat this good". But, I had already promised it away and I didn't wear it anymore and it's the kind of special coat that deserves to be loved and worn and shown off and ogled over and talked about. Its a really good coat. 

I bought it from an old lady at an antique swap meet while I was in college. I believe she was the original owner. She informed me that I needed brown gloves to go with it (which I also bought from her) and she told me about how "in her day" ladies didn't go out of the house without gloves and sometimes they would cut the tips off of their gloves so they could still use their fingers while wearing them. 

Once, while wearing it, someone taunted me about wearing fur, but I couldn't respond to the person because of the situation. I was irritated because not only was I absolutely against wearing fur but I was a vegan animal rights activist at the time. I was inspired to make a patch that said "genuine fake" and sew it on the arm. That's the history of the leopard coat. 

I have noticed that as I think about this and some other coats I've worn, they all have memorable stories to go with them. There was the blue velvet coat. It was royal blue velvet that was quilted and hung down to my ankles. It buttoned up the front and had two flap-over pockets and a simple short collar. It flared out a bit in the back and was lined with pink satin. I was probably just out of high school when my good friend Samantha told me about this amazing coat she saw at a vintage store. She described it and I fell in love with the idea of it before I even saw it. The thing is, although she wanted it too, it wasn't really her style. But it totally fit my goth/punk/weirdo look at the time. I ended up going to the store and buying it first. She was upset for about 5 minutes, but let it go. 

I don't know why I did that. Why I went out and bought this unique item that my best friend wanted. Was I a horrible selfish person? Was I just reacting to some innate shopping addict gene I got from my mom? Or was it destined to be mine - all I had to do was buy it first? 

Over the years, the pink lining ripped in a few places and the pockets had to be reinforced with safety pins (because I've never been much of a seamstress) and finally, last year, I gave that one away to someone I know too. 

I also remember this black velvet coat that my friend John wore just after high school. It was almost like a casual dress jacket and always smelled of vanilla. I used to steal that coat whenever I could, and I think it became quite an object of manipulation at one point. It inspired me to wear vanilla scented perfumes, which I still do to this day. 

This brings me to my current coat. It's a black fuzzy button up coat that goes above my knees, with a long wide collar, two pockets and a strap across the back. It's kind of like a pea coat meets a stuffed animal. I got this one at a Naked Lady Party, which I need to explain because it's a lot less exciting than it probably sounds. It's basically a girly get together (food, wine, and chocolate, and clothes) where everyone brings a bag of old clothes they are getting rid of. The clothes are dumped in a central pile, and the girls draw numbers and choose clothes they want. Many try on the clothes there and then to see if they want to keep them, hence "naked lady party". I saw the girl who was getting rid of the coat. She was about six inches taller and 50 pounds lighter than me, but I tried it on anyway. Somehow, it fit really well - kind of like those traveling pants that got to star in a movie. So, it needed some love (the seams were coming apart and the pockets were full of holes) and for once I found it almost effortless to fix something with a needle and thread. I made new pockets out of an old burgundy velvet shirt and it came back together like new. This is the coat I still wear and love and feel comfortable and warm in. 

Anyone have a coat story to share?

Messing with DNA

I'd like you to peruse the article below and just offer comments on that, if you have them, but I also want to add a few thoughts. So go read the article and come back. Seriously - at least browse it and then come back.

 --------------------- 

"We are not trying to alter genes, we're just trying to swap a small proportion of the bad ones for some good ones," said Patrick Chinnery. 

Question: Isn't swap another word for alter? 

So far, 10 such embryos have been created, though they have not been allowed to develop for more than five days. 

 

I'd like to know what the religious and/or pro-life readers think of that. Personally, I think it's a shame to create life just to see if you can and then essentially destroy it because it doesn't work for you. But then again, science does that all the time. 

Though the preliminary research has raised concerns about the possibility of genetically modified babies, the scientists say that the embryos are still only primarily the product of one man and one woman.

First of all, let's cut the crap. It TOTALLY IS genetically modifying babies, however small the modification is. I'm not necessarily against using gene therapy, which this is very similar to. I have a deeper issue with science developing ways to fix problems which are essentially the symptoms of real problems in society. American culture has decadent and careless tendencies that are very tied into environmental degradation (which can be linked to several health issues, including cancer) and very tied to our health in general as we age. So if we ignore the underlying causes of many illnesses and only treat the symptoms, how are we really improving the situation? 

 - I have to go, but may continue this thread later.

  Embryos created with DNA from 3 people http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080205/ap_on_sc/embryo_research&printer=1;_ylt=AhKKgOUkN4nBx_0a3ehOZd1xieAA 2/5/08

British scientists have created human embryos containing DNA from two women and one man, a procedure that could potentially prevent conditions including epilepsy, diabetes and heart failure.

Though the preliminary research has raised concerns about the possibility of genetically modified babies, the scientists say that the embryos are still only primarily the product of one man and one woman.

"We are not trying to alter genes, we're just trying to swap a small proportion of the bad ones for some good ones," said Patrick Chinnery, a professor of neurogenetics at Newcastle University involved in the research.

The process aims to avoid passing onto children bad mitochondria genes, which are contained outside the nucleus in a normal female egg. Mitochondria are a cell's energy source, but mistakes in their genetic code can result in serious diseases like epilepsy, strokes, and mental retardation.

In their research, Chinnery and colleagues used normal embryos created from one man and one woman that had defective mitochondria in the woman's egg. They then transplanted that embryo into an emptied egg donated from a second woman who had healthy mitochondria.

"The proportion of genes in the mitochondria is infinitesimal," said Francoise Shenfield, a fertility expert with the European Society of Human Fertility and Reproduction. Shenfield is not connected to the Newcastle University Research.

Only trace amounts of a person's genes come from the mitochondria, and experts said it would be incorrect to say that the embryos have three parents.

"Most of the genes that make you who you are are inside the nucleus," Chinnery said. "We're not going anywhere near that."

So far, 10 such embryos have been created, though they have not been allowed to develop for more than five days. Chinnery hoped that after further experiments in the next few years the process might be available to parents undergoing in-vitro fertilization.

Similar research has been conducted in animals in Japan, and has already led to the birth of healthy mice who had their mitochondria genes corrected.

Shenfield said that further tests to assess the safety and efficacy of the process were necessary before it could be offered as a potential treatment.

The New Job - Part One -

I've been unemployed since September 2007 and will finally rejoin working society tomorrow at a new job. I'm excited because it's a job I really want - working with fossils at the Natural History Museum. But I'm also having the usual bit of nerves because starting a new job and a new routine is a change and that's always stressful. But I'm so ready to make this jump forward and it is quite exciting. 

I started my last job on January 31st after a similar bout of unemployment. I was hired full time and scheduled 40 hours a week. But it was the rainiest winter/spring in years and so a lot of the projects that I was scheduled to work at were rained out all the time. This trend lasted months, until midsummer when we got an excavation job and then they wanted us to work overtime for several months straight. In the winter, work was slow again but they managed to find lab work to keep me afloat until field work started up in the spring again. Then you could basically hit a repeat button for the next year and a half, except it wasn't quite as rainy. So my last full time job lasting over 2 1/2 years amounted to probably 1 actual year of full time work and a lot of part time work. Plus I was sent all over California, my schedule changed all the time, and I generally felt frazzled by the uncertainty of it all. I also went deeper into debt, which last time I checked, usually doesn't happen with full time jobs.

In contrast, my new job is at the same building every day; rain or shine, 9 to 5, and I don't even need to take a freeway to get there! Although I am calling it my new job, I am not actually celebrating until I sign the paperwork. Just a precaution. Call it superstition. Well, I need to go knock on some wood so I'll see you later.

Thought Bubbles

So I don't know what I want to do for a job, so what? I mean, I've never been one of those people who had their whole life mapped out in front of them anyways.

Last night, I was thinking about what it was like growing up and how I was always in this uncomfortable place, both physically and mentally. I've had chronic anxiety since about fifth grade (age 10), only I didn't know that's what it was until maybe the end of high school. I dealt with conflict by shutting my eyes, literally. Years lately I can see that other people in my family deal with conflict by psychologically shutting their eyes (or putting their head in the sand or whatever other metaphor you want to use).

I think I always felt like it wasn't OK to be myself. I was constantly compared to the way people were when and where my parents grew up. It might as well have been on another planet, because it sure seemed like it. How could I be like these fictional characters in my mom's memory when I had never even met them?

I also felt totally confined by my neighborhood, my house, my room... My dad worked for the school district so he was always driving around the neighborhood in an yellow truck. It got to a point where anytime I saw a yellow truck, I'd freak out and want to hide.  I associated it with getting in trouble.  I felt like the only place I could be myself was at school, but I don't even think I was being myself there either. I didn't know how to be myself.

So, I am now 30 and have finally found ways to manage my anxiety, but I still don't know what the Hell to do with myself.

I think I have known for a while now that I need to find a good job as opposed to committing myself to a career. I think I have too many varied interests to let one of them consume the rest of my life. I think about how my concept of a job has been shaped by movies and TV shows and not real life experience and how doing field archaeology for a job is so "outside of the box" for me that I didn't really enjoy it.

I used to feel like a gypsy and the idea of traveling around the world for work was perfect. But now, I feel less like moving around all the time. I want a piece of Earth that I can rest my weary head on and come back to each day to regroup. I feel less and less like I have to escape from where I am and who I am.

I wonder how Leonardo Di Vinci felt when he applied for a government post doing mostly engineering when he was talented in so many ways?

Anyways, enough babbling for today.

2007 Yule - Gifts

	Split Pea, Etcetera Soup
Contains: Split Peas Red Lentils Jasmine Rice Wheat Berries Vegetable Broth Powder Fenugreek Powder Bay Leaves	Recommended Preparation: Combine contents of jar with 3 jars of water in a stock pot and bring to a boil for several minutes. Reduce to medium-low heat and partially cover for about 45 minutes to 1 hour. Regularly check the consistency and stir, adding water if necessary. The wheat berries have the longest cook time and they should be chewy when cooked.	I recommend adding: 1 large sweet potato, peeled, bite size 2 carrots, chopped 2 celery stalks, chopped ½ of a small onion, chopped 1-2 cloves garlic, crushed/minced 1 Anaheim chili, whole (for flavor)

2008 Photo Calendar

Handbound with string, photographed, designed and printed myself on 8 1/2" x 11" heavy weight bright matte paper. Below is a sample of the photographs inside:

Jane's Parents

Let me tell you a story about Jane.

One day Jane visited her parents to help out around the house. By the time she arrived, her parents were already worked up into their usual apathetically insane frenzy of miscommunication. Her mom had the whole day planned out - in her head, of course - without bothering to share this plan with anyone else. So by the time Jane figured out which direction the days events were headed, her mom was ready to sit down and take a break.

At that point, Jane's dad was consulted on the matter of acquiring keys for the recreational vehicle. He reached into the basket where such items are kept and the whole thing overturned onto the floor. In a frenzy, he started flinging objects back into the basket and without missing a stride, flung a set of keys to Jane who was standing ten feet away. Jane caught them easily but as she turned to pass them on to her mother, she noticed a small knife on the key chain that could have caused her serious bodily harm if she had caught the key chain any another way. Slightly alarmed, she mentioned it to her mother who made an absentminded comment about how her husband is an asshole and then turned and headed out the door to use the keys.

Jane was stunned by the lack of concern and walked back to tell her dad, "You know, you just threw a knife at me. There was a knife on that key chain". To which he responded, "there's no knife on that key chain. (pause) Then, those weren't the right keys". Jane was so dumbfounded by the lack of concern that she didn't know what to do. Her parent didn't think it was a big deal, so maybe it wasn't. She really couldn't think straight about it.

A few hours lately, Jane's dad was fixing the electronic garage door while she was carrying things in and out of the house into the garage. On one of her trips, she stopped to move a bucket near the doorway and her dad said to her, "watch out for the door". She immediately jumped back and watched the door slide down in front of her face. To clarify: her dad's warning sounded more like "you might want to move your car sometime today", than "move your head right now!" as it should have.

Again, Jane was mystified by this lack of concern for her physical well-being. And even as she continued to remark on how he had tried to kill her twice in one day, got little response from either of her parents.

It wasn't until later, when she recalled the incidents to others that the seriousness of the situation became a reality.

Now Jane wonders if her parents are criminally insane or perhaps replacements from a botched alien abduction? Will we ever know for sure?

Thanks Giving

Thanksgiving has past and now there is this tiny gap until Christmas where I can relax and not prepare for something. To be honest, having something to prepare for was quite enjoyable because I planned things out and made lists and followed the plan - and didn't stress.

I really enjoyed decorating my Thanksgiving dinner tables (this was my first year as hostess). Hosting a dinner gave my daily life purpose where it has been sorely lacking since I became unemployed.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to spend it with everyone I wanted to. But my family was there in spirit: the tablecloths my aunt made and the pumpkin bread I baked with my mom, for example. I am thankful for my family because they've always provided a strong foundation in matters of celebration (and style!). And although our traditions have changed a lot in the past few years, I feel so fortunate to have experienced them at all.

Here's to keeping traditions alive in our heart as the future will inevitably bring change.

Cheers and Sláinte

Haiku; Perception of Others

The calm black water
holds the pale yellow moon light
and then lets it go.

For just one moment
night water reflects moon light
soft pale yellow, good-bye.

These were written sometime in early 2007. They were inspired by a painting my aunt made.

I think I enjoy the painting because it doesn't look like something my aunt would paint.

We've had recent conversations about how she comes off to some people as "all business" and "adult." I think she carries herself with great positivity, responsibility, and self-assuredness (even if that's not always what she feels on the inside). But because of these things, one wouldn't expect to see an image of such darkness come from her. I say darkness because of the literal color scheme and not the subject matter.

In our society, I think there is an expectation of adulthood that people become non-individuals, bland-minded, and part of the hoi polloi (remember in high school when you found out that your teachers were real people too?). America seems to really hate aging (especially in women) and does its best to make us feel inadequate past age 25.

So I think it can be difficult not only to be the adult and still manage to feel like yourself and not just somebody else's something or other, but also to experience our elders as they really are: whole, deep, diverse, unexpected, young at heart, wise, imperfect humans who were once where you are now.

We all need to work on judging and assuming.

A Buddhist saying paraphrased: Try to see the tree as a tree and not as your ideas about the tree. 

Cauliflower and Sweet Potato Soup

I threw this together the other night and it was one of the best soups I've ever made. The amounts are approximate. 

  Cauliflower and Sweet Potato Soup 

- 1-2 whole carrots, sliced 

- 2-3 pieces of celery, chopped 

- 3 bay leaves, whole 

- 1/3 of a large onion, chopped (I used a Maui sweet onion) 

- 2-3 cloves garlic, minced 

- 1 large sweet potato, peeled, cut into bite sized pieces (approx. 1") 

- 1 small/medium head of cauliflower, cut into bite sized pieces 

- handful of fresh green beans, with ends trimmed, and cut into bite sized pieces 

- 1 whole Anaheim chili* with the stem removed 

- 10 cups vegetable broth** 

- 1 Tbsp. Overboard spice*** (A special blend of Rosemary, sage, Thyme, Cayenne, Marjoram, Black Pepper, Onion Powder, Celery Seed, and Lavender.) 

Put all ingredients into a large stockpot with a lid and bring to a boil, then reduce to medium and simmer until veggies get soft. Check it at 15 minutes but it may need about 30 minutes of simmering. 

NOTES: 

 *Anaheim Chili - These are the long and slender bright green ones that are less hot than jalapeños but add a lot of flavor to a dish. If you add it whole, it shouldn't make the soup very "hot", only flavorful. I wouldn't recommend substituting chilies unless you are familiar with the spiciness of them. 

 **Vegetable broth - I'm sure any variety will be fine but I used a vegetarian "chicken" style from Whole Foods Market that you can get in the bulk bins in powder form. I used 8 cups water mixed with the powder and one 14oz. can of Swanson's vegetable broth (because I needed to use it up). I believe that the sodium in the canned broth gave the soup enough salt. With that said, if you used 8-10 cups worth of canned broth, be aware that it may be too salty and you should taste it and add water if necessary. 

 ***Overboard Spice - This blend is available from Spice Traders & Teas. However, most of the ingredients are common in a well-stocked spice rack and you could mix up a Tbsp. worth yourself. 

- I put the spices in several layers of cheesecloth and made an herb sachet (see instructions below). They also sell small cotton sachets with a draw string at specialty tea stores (and maybe Cost Plus) that would be good for this purpose.

Fears and Phobias

I was afraid to look out the window at night until a few years ago because once, when I was 9 or 10, I saw a face in my grandparent's kitchen window. After waking the entire house up with my scream, it turned out to be an oddly shaped planter on a window shelf.

It's interesting how we pick up phobias or irrational fears of things along our journey through childhood. I've had the following completely irrational fears over the years: 

- nervous about calling businesses or people that I don't know personally on the phone. 

- having to shut all doors, drawers, and cover all windows before bed so if a monster was there, at least I couldn't see it and get scared. 

- not letting my foot hang outside the bed covers for fear that some carpet or under-bed monster would eat my foot. 

- having to sleep with my back against a wall at all times for fear of being attacked from behind. 

- going to new places by myself. 

- popping a balloon with a pin. 

- for just one night, I really believed that the television could turn on by itself and an evil girl would be able to emerge from the screen and get me. That particular night I ended up sleeping in a room by myself with a T.V. For some reason though, I thought if I turned the T.V. on, and kept it on all night, the evil girl couldn't get through. I have the following TOTALLY rational fears (in my opinion): 

 - seeing distorted or melting faces. 

- contact with black widows (and other poisonous or possibly poisonous spiders). 

- losing my teeth.

And, I'm not irrationally afraid of any of the following (except if there was actually danger): 

 - pets and wild animals in general

- flying (except take-off and landing - give me a break).

- dentists (I have a healthy amount of anxiety sometimes, but I usually do OK)

- needles

- clowns (Ok, they creep me out sometimes, but afraid? I'm not sure)

- crowds 

- public speaking (if I have something to say and/or am prepared) 

 I can't think of any more major phobias at this time. If you feel like commenting, I'd like to hear some of your IRRATIONAL fears in particular.

:Wumpscut:

:Wumpscut: is probably one of my top 5 favorite bands (a few others high on the list are Skinny Puppy, Front 242, and Depeche Mode).

If you like Electronic, Industrial, or Gothic music you may have heard of them.

Most bands sell the typical merchandise along with albums such as posters, buttons, patches, stickers, etc.

However, :Wumpscut: is selling the following über industrial collectible which I think is AWESOME:

:W: Packing Tape

- Black printing on white tape

- alternating BKM & :W: logos

- 66 m

- Limited edition (72 pieces only)

First Blog Ever

I finally decided to break down and start a blog because I have a lot of thoughts about the world and it would be nice to put them in one place.

So this space is not specifically about any one topic because I am not about one topic.

I am a fountain of otherwise useless information, a strict generalist, an anthropologist, a Jane of all Trades.